I'm a consumer of the Internet. I always have been. Perhaps it is because I use it so often in the day at work. or because I use the computer in the evening as a method to prevent me from falling asleep on the couch five minutes after the last baby is in bed. Regardless, I spend a lot of my day connecting with the world through my computer. I like Facebook to reconnect, share photos and silly statues updates. To hear about the world of my friends and family. And through the years I've found a few bloggers who I regularly frequent simply because I like their writing style. I like the blond princess food blogger because her recipes are fun and easy and kid friendly. I like the woman who draws silly cartoons to go with the stories she tells because they're funny and because she's sarcastic and gets through the day with humor, much the same way I survive. And then there is Stacie.
I've been reading Stacie's blog for at least three or four years. I'm not sure how I landed there the first time, but she had me at hello. She's a "mommy" blogger I suppose as she's a stay at home mother of four living somewhere in Idaho. We've got a whole lot of nothing in common, but her drew me in immediately. Perhaps it is because Grant is the same age as one of her children and I could relate. Perhaps it is because she speaks so often of adoption, as someone who gave up a child and adopted a child and that's something I closely identify with. Regardless, I have watched her children grow up through pictures and stories and followed the deep feelings she expressed a few times a week. And today, I had tears in my eyes as I read her post. Long about the time I lost our baby, a tube, a good shot at ever having another baby Stacie had her youngest son Nate. And there were complications. and they went on for over a year. and they told her after the second surgery that if she ever had another pregnancy it would probably be an ectopic and she'd lose the baby and risk her health. and following the third surgery, they told her not to worry about that anymore, because she would probably never be able to get pregnant at all. And she morned that loss-not of a lost child-of the option to have more babies. to feel at your core what makes you a mother. and I mourned with her as I was mourning the loss of my child-who I had grown inside of me but couldn't protect and save. the baby that died and took with her the promise of more children and so very much of who I am as a person. Because no one in my real world could relate to this unbearable pain, this weight that I still carry with me daily for the love of my child I never got to hold. I would have loved to have a person who I could call and tell the torture I was living through every day, but people don't understand. The things that some of my closest friends and family said in an effort to make me feel better cut more than I ever knew words could. "It's okay, there will be other babies" or "People have miscarriages-you'll be fine" or "You're lucky to have lost the baby, something was probably wrong with it anyway". The number of inaccuracies in those statements are too numerous to even discuss, but there is something medical inaccuracy with each I assure you. And so as I retreated into myself and away from the harshly-helpful words of the world, it was comforting to know I wasn't completely alone. and as I watched Stacie go through her journey of pain and acceptance, I was going through my own journey of fighting infertility and dreaming that I might someday meet another child of my own. And then, a lifetime later, the surprise and fear that came in the moment the stick was blue and told me I was pregnant. The doctors words echoing in my ears-"call immediately when you get a positive pregnancy test. we need to monitor you carefully, the likelihood that you have another ectopic is much higher then in other people. Tell my nurses when you call that I told you that I want to see you immediately." The excitement of the moment turned to unyielding fear. How long I had longed for a positive test and how quickly the euphoria turned to fear. And going in for the first ultrasound, remembering how I had been in that room years before, with the same tech no less, and instead of seeing the joy seeing an empty womb. I could barely sit as she prepared. I wanted to be sick. I wanted to run and not find out the answers she was going to give me, knowing I wasn't strong enough to survive a second time. and the moment we saw that flicker on the screen, barely 5 weeks old along, at first I didn't believe it. I was prepared for the pain and the testing and the death. the idea that i would actually carry this baby to term was almost beyond my wildest dreams, despite the morning sickness and sudden onset of tomato hatred, i saw Luke for the very first time. Luke, my sweet miracle baby. And I spent every day of my pregnancy with Luke excited and happy and grateful, and just a little terrified that it wasn't real and I would lose him. Every day until the day he was born. It wasn't the same carefree pregnancy I had with Grant, so oblivious to the pain of losing a child. In so many ways, it was more than I could have hoped for and I was able to appreciate the sheer luck that comes with an easy, healthy pregnancy.
Today, Stacie posted that she'd been sick and didn't think anything of it until she son brushed her breasts and they hurt. and feeling silly she peed on a stick, never thinking it could really be true. the joy and then horror that came with the positive pregnancy test. and the pain that came with waiting for the ultrasound. and the disbelief at her fifth child growing healthy in her womb, strong heart beat and perfectly sized and placed. and as she used words like a canvas to paint images of her feelings, fear, elation, I had tears in my eyes as she completed another hurdle to having the child she longed for. And laughed as she explained the nagging feeling that someone was going to come tell her they were wrong and that it was all going to end and there would be blackness, by using the analogy of an ice cream cone and her youngest child. Because again, it was nice to have someone more eloquent then me put into words all of the emotions and feelings I had experienced so beautifully. And this time I know the ending to the 40 weeks of never fully feeling safe. And for me, his name is Luke and he's an evil genius baby, fearless to the core, lovable and tender and all things wonderful in the world.
Most of the things you find online are frivolous and silly. And I spend my time enjoying them as much as the next person. But today I feel joy for a friend I've never met. And that makes me a geek, and a little sad to have a connection to a stranger, but mostly just excited to go snuggle my little miracle baby and his crazy older brother and be thankful for the lives that aren't really supposed to be here, because they're some of the greatest kids you'll ever meet!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Friday, July 20, 2012
I stayed home with my boys today and had just a regular, normal Friday. How sad that people in our world didn't have the same day. That a stranger wandered into a theater and took the lives of 12 people and injured nearly another 50. In small town USA. In the town that is the home of my very best friend. That injured the friend of a friend and took the life of another's cousin. Of people who did nothing wrong, just showed up to watch a movie. I was home with my babies today and so the television didn't go on all day and in a way I'm very blessed because I wasn't subjected to the photos and videos. I read articles on CNN.com, but couldn't have a reaction in anyway because of those sweet little boys. It was a gift for me. Every day I think about how blessed I am to have those two babies and more and more I feel time sliding away. It won't be long before I have to explain the wrongs of the world to my boys instead of shutting down the computer and turning an empty box into an ice cream store. But for today, I was able to hold them just a little bit tighter and read a few extra stories and deliver cupcakes to the neighbors. And that was enough for me.
Monday, July 09, 2012
It's been nearly a year since my last blog post. my last post, where I guaranteed I would write more frequently. I guess I was wrong!
What's happened in a year? What hasn't happened in a year. I measure time now by my children. I can think of no better way to measure time. Grant is 4 and a half and all words all the time. He has got a thought on everything. He's a scientist, a math geek, creative and funny and playful. He's a reader. He loves to swim, to scoot, to do anything outside. He's an amazing big brother. And Luke, a year ago Luke was cargo. He only would be held by mommy and was shy and anxious in new situations. And now he's this whole new little boy. The transformation in the last two months has been amazing. He's walking now and can say some words. He quacks like a duck, a lot. He loves his blanket and to carry around books. He doesn't stop moving-not ever. Even if he's sitting and having a drink his feet are constantly moving. He loves his Grant, even though it is a word he can't yet say. He'll grab his shirt to slow him down so he can play too. He tackles him and gives him kisses and hugs, even when they aren't wanted. He's finally friendly to other people, even letting people other than mom and dad hold him. He's growing like a weed. One and four are my two favorite ages so far, so it is great that they're lining up together.
Life is good for us. Taylor travels too much for work and I've picked up more events and time at the office and so there is a fair amount of fear in my world about what the fall will look like for us and how we'll balance it. Right now, we're simply enjoying the long summer days and hoping they go on forever. We're blessed with our life and our problems are good ones to have. I'm trying to remember how to swim on the surface instead of letting the day to day pull me below the surface.
Friends and family are all doing well. We spent a week in Maine with my parents, who despite getting older, are having more fun than ever. I'm excited to be flying to North Carolina in a few weeks to see my brand new Godson, Benjamin. Though not on this trip, in another year or so, he and Luke will be fast friends. We're hoping Princess Elinor will be able to join us for the weekend as well. Three in 10 months, nothing would make me happier to have them all in one place, especially with all of their mama's! I could really use some time with my girls.
Luka's got a mullet now. A reddish mullet at that. Yes, I'm thinking of letting it grow until our next Disney trip. He's turing two in April, we'll have to get one more "free" plane ride in between now and then.
Grant starts preschool in the fall. He's very excited. It's only two days a week, but I think it will be good for him. He'll be in the school that he'll be going to for Kindergarten. I really wish he didn't miss the cut-off for school. He's more than ready and I'm nervous that he's going to be bored. He can really benefit from the experience of listening to a new adult though and I'm hoping we see some strengthening of his listening skills, because he's already a fan of addition and subtraction, so learning to count shouldn't be much of a challenge at this point.
and me. Well, I've had a rough few months. I'm hoping to use the rest of summer to help me refocus and figure out what I'm looking for and taking the steps necessary to take care of me a little bit. And for today that simply means cleaning my half of the garage, mopping the floors, finishing unpacking from Maine, and doing some laundry. And that makes me more than happy!
What's happened in a year? What hasn't happened in a year. I measure time now by my children. I can think of no better way to measure time. Grant is 4 and a half and all words all the time. He has got a thought on everything. He's a scientist, a math geek, creative and funny and playful. He's a reader. He loves to swim, to scoot, to do anything outside. He's an amazing big brother. And Luke, a year ago Luke was cargo. He only would be held by mommy and was shy and anxious in new situations. And now he's this whole new little boy. The transformation in the last two months has been amazing. He's walking now and can say some words. He quacks like a duck, a lot. He loves his blanket and to carry around books. He doesn't stop moving-not ever. Even if he's sitting and having a drink his feet are constantly moving. He loves his Grant, even though it is a word he can't yet say. He'll grab his shirt to slow him down so he can play too. He tackles him and gives him kisses and hugs, even when they aren't wanted. He's finally friendly to other people, even letting people other than mom and dad hold him. He's growing like a weed. One and four are my two favorite ages so far, so it is great that they're lining up together.
Life is good for us. Taylor travels too much for work and I've picked up more events and time at the office and so there is a fair amount of fear in my world about what the fall will look like for us and how we'll balance it. Right now, we're simply enjoying the long summer days and hoping they go on forever. We're blessed with our life and our problems are good ones to have. I'm trying to remember how to swim on the surface instead of letting the day to day pull me below the surface.
Friends and family are all doing well. We spent a week in Maine with my parents, who despite getting older, are having more fun than ever. I'm excited to be flying to North Carolina in a few weeks to see my brand new Godson, Benjamin. Though not on this trip, in another year or so, he and Luke will be fast friends. We're hoping Princess Elinor will be able to join us for the weekend as well. Three in 10 months, nothing would make me happier to have them all in one place, especially with all of their mama's! I could really use some time with my girls.
Luka's got a mullet now. A reddish mullet at that. Yes, I'm thinking of letting it grow until our next Disney trip. He's turing two in April, we'll have to get one more "free" plane ride in between now and then.
Grant starts preschool in the fall. He's very excited. It's only two days a week, but I think it will be good for him. He'll be in the school that he'll be going to for Kindergarten. I really wish he didn't miss the cut-off for school. He's more than ready and I'm nervous that he's going to be bored. He can really benefit from the experience of listening to a new adult though and I'm hoping we see some strengthening of his listening skills, because he's already a fan of addition and subtraction, so learning to count shouldn't be much of a challenge at this point.
and me. Well, I've had a rough few months. I'm hoping to use the rest of summer to help me refocus and figure out what I'm looking for and taking the steps necessary to take care of me a little bit. And for today that simply means cleaning my half of the garage, mopping the floors, finishing unpacking from Maine, and doing some laundry. And that makes me more than happy!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
I don't write in my blog enough anymore. I make excuses about not having time to write, or anything substantial to say since my days are measured in diapers and fruit snacks, but really it is just me being lazy. I don't' want to be lazy anymore. I have lots of thoughts in my head and I'm tired of sharing them with the facebook world. So, I'm going to set up even more lists on facebook and block all but a few people from reading my updates and I'll send myself back here, to this blank canvas to put down my thoughts on "paper". Let's see how it goes.
We had a lovely weekend last week. Quiet swim class Saturday at home. Luke will almost always nap through swim class which means I'll miss it a lot. This makes me super sad because I love to watch Grant swim. He wears a bubble on Saturday for his lesson, but when he swims during the week at Laura's house he doesn't use any kind of floatation device. He plays with a noodle and will use it if he's going to the deep end sometimes, but most of the time it is just him doing the swimming thing. Starting swim lessons at 6 months seems silly to many friends and family, but it was definitely money well spent in my eyes. He's a little fish--and it makes me proud! Sunday we went to visit T's parents. We hit the pool there, showed Grant the sailboat, a delicious lunch, shopping with Pam. It was relaxing and fun.
Work has been trying this week. I'm not incredibly busy, which is frustrating for me. We've also got some morale issues in the office and we've kind of split into two teams. I find that frustrating. I get a lot of my energy, positive or negative, from those around me. One woman in particular is pumping off negative energy and it frustrates me. We don't live with the rest of our division, which is great most of the time, but in the summer when there are only three people in our house and one of them is a super sourpuss, it zaps you. Pushing through and trying to remain positive and find something to keep working on. Read an article this morning that reminded me that blogging is a great outlet for frustration. Hence my posting revival.
Hard to leave the boys on days when work is crabby. Also on days when the weather is amazing, as it is today. beautiful summer week. other than the tornado warning on Monday. normally i would have just ignored it, but in the wake of the last tornado that hit a mile away from us, i paid attention. must like the devastating one that hit us six weeks ago, i was literally on the streets a few towns over from ours that are still closed with downed trees and power lines when i was at the dentist. i apparently leave a trail of devastation in my wake. wow. but today looks like another beauty. can't wait to get outside for lunch to enjoy. i like thinking about G out on the swings with his little buddies on days like this. I'm jealous of his summer days-and his amazing summer tan!
thinking of starting a reality show for our student workers. something real world/road rules challenge. would be great! we've got some characters this summer, some dramatic student story lines, and another coworker and i would write great dialog. this is what i do in my head sometimes on days like this when I'm unfocused and unexcited. also, I'm going to find G a dentist and start pricing how much to move a piano from my parents house to my house. my mother might literally fall over if i make it finally happen!
We had a lovely weekend last week. Quiet swim class Saturday at home. Luke will almost always nap through swim class which means I'll miss it a lot. This makes me super sad because I love to watch Grant swim. He wears a bubble on Saturday for his lesson, but when he swims during the week at Laura's house he doesn't use any kind of floatation device. He plays with a noodle and will use it if he's going to the deep end sometimes, but most of the time it is just him doing the swimming thing. Starting swim lessons at 6 months seems silly to many friends and family, but it was definitely money well spent in my eyes. He's a little fish--and it makes me proud! Sunday we went to visit T's parents. We hit the pool there, showed Grant the sailboat, a delicious lunch, shopping with Pam. It was relaxing and fun.
Work has been trying this week. I'm not incredibly busy, which is frustrating for me. We've also got some morale issues in the office and we've kind of split into two teams. I find that frustrating. I get a lot of my energy, positive or negative, from those around me. One woman in particular is pumping off negative energy and it frustrates me. We don't live with the rest of our division, which is great most of the time, but in the summer when there are only three people in our house and one of them is a super sourpuss, it zaps you. Pushing through and trying to remain positive and find something to keep working on. Read an article this morning that reminded me that blogging is a great outlet for frustration. Hence my posting revival.
Hard to leave the boys on days when work is crabby. Also on days when the weather is amazing, as it is today. beautiful summer week. other than the tornado warning on Monday. normally i would have just ignored it, but in the wake of the last tornado that hit a mile away from us, i paid attention. must like the devastating one that hit us six weeks ago, i was literally on the streets a few towns over from ours that are still closed with downed trees and power lines when i was at the dentist. i apparently leave a trail of devastation in my wake. wow. but today looks like another beauty. can't wait to get outside for lunch to enjoy. i like thinking about G out on the swings with his little buddies on days like this. I'm jealous of his summer days-and his amazing summer tan!
thinking of starting a reality show for our student workers. something real world/road rules challenge. would be great! we've got some characters this summer, some dramatic student story lines, and another coworker and i would write great dialog. this is what i do in my head sometimes on days like this when I'm unfocused and unexcited. also, I'm going to find G a dentist and start pricing how much to move a piano from my parents house to my house. my mother might literally fall over if i make it finally happen!
Monday, July 11, 2011
Time moves so quickly and despite wanting to document ever minute, I've simply been living in the moment and enjoying being present. Someday Luke will complain about the lack of baby pictures and I'll remind him he's the youngest (like his father and I) and so he's spoiled rotten and the lack of baby pictures is just what he'll have to live with for the life of leisure! Here is a photo from yesterday of my two sweet boys together
I adore this photo. Grant looks just like he does in real life-full of excitement and wonder with a beautiful smile and big brown eyes. Luke looks a little chunkier than he really is in this photo, but it is well worth it to have a picture where they are both happy and smiling. Luke is a super smiley baby-very happy-but a mama's boy for sure. If Mom is around very few others will do. He's growing so fast and is very physically advanced for his age-rolling over both ways at will and desperate to sit up. He's getting a set of matching dimples on his cheeks, which he'll use to make the ladies swoon in another 20 years. He's also started laughing a little and we've found he's ticklish on his tummy and his neck. Big brother loves the little guy and often includes him in games of pretend. This weekend he was Cubby from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I have a feeling the nickname may stick. Luke also goes by nicknames Luka-Pooka, Pooka-Nut, and Lukie-Poo...the last from his big brother. Luke likes nothing better than watching Grant run around and play. He's facing forward now in his front pack, so he's happy to be able to see more of the world around him. My guess is he is an early walker (unlike Grant who was our lazy boy and didn't walk until 14 months) and once he starts moving he'll never stop.
Taylor and I try to enjoy ever moment with them and keep up with the demands of real life. I've been back to work for a few weeks and Luke is doing well at Laura's. He's exhausted when I pick him up most days from being with all of the big kids all day. He seems to be thriving though and Grant has adjusted to having him there full time. I like knowing that they are together throughout the day and have each other to lean on. It seems like just yesterday that Grant was this size and we were finally moving into our new house and yesterday for the first time I suggested we've outgrown our space and need to think of expanding. Three years goes by in the blink of an eye and I try to be very aware that in another three we'll be at tee-ball games and getting ready for the first grade and preschool and this will be a simple memory.
Other aspects of life are doing well. I'm excited to become an auntie and godmother in a few short weeks to sweet baby Elinor and to become an auntie once more in January. That the girls and I will have three new babies in under a year seems unreal. talk about live moving fast and things changing. it was just G for so long, then G and Sam and next time we're blessed to be together there will be five of them! I can't wait to have the noise and the craziness that goes with it. That's what family is supposed to feel like-sprinklers and Popsicles and bare feet and laughter from children who wear nothing but swimsuits all day and glasses of wine and burgers and early bedtimes and adults catching up around the fire. We're not quite there yet, but peak ahead two summers and you can see the simplicity and ease of it all. I can't wait!
Summer days are rolling by and we would love to see any and all of you. We're sticking close to home this summer with no vacations planned. If you're nearby, please connect with us. So many of you have had changes in your own life and we would love to reconnect and learn about what makes your life special.
I adore this photo. Grant looks just like he does in real life-full of excitement and wonder with a beautiful smile and big brown eyes. Luke looks a little chunkier than he really is in this photo, but it is well worth it to have a picture where they are both happy and smiling. Luke is a super smiley baby-very happy-but a mama's boy for sure. If Mom is around very few others will do. He's growing so fast and is very physically advanced for his age-rolling over both ways at will and desperate to sit up. He's getting a set of matching dimples on his cheeks, which he'll use to make the ladies swoon in another 20 years. He's also started laughing a little and we've found he's ticklish on his tummy and his neck. Big brother loves the little guy and often includes him in games of pretend. This weekend he was Cubby from Jake and the Neverland Pirates. I have a feeling the nickname may stick. Luke also goes by nicknames Luka-Pooka, Pooka-Nut, and Lukie-Poo...the last from his big brother. Luke likes nothing better than watching Grant run around and play. He's facing forward now in his front pack, so he's happy to be able to see more of the world around him. My guess is he is an early walker (unlike Grant who was our lazy boy and didn't walk until 14 months) and once he starts moving he'll never stop.
Taylor and I try to enjoy ever moment with them and keep up with the demands of real life. I've been back to work for a few weeks and Luke is doing well at Laura's. He's exhausted when I pick him up most days from being with all of the big kids all day. He seems to be thriving though and Grant has adjusted to having him there full time. I like knowing that they are together throughout the day and have each other to lean on. It seems like just yesterday that Grant was this size and we were finally moving into our new house and yesterday for the first time I suggested we've outgrown our space and need to think of expanding. Three years goes by in the blink of an eye and I try to be very aware that in another three we'll be at tee-ball games and getting ready for the first grade and preschool and this will be a simple memory.
Other aspects of life are doing well. I'm excited to become an auntie and godmother in a few short weeks to sweet baby Elinor and to become an auntie once more in January. That the girls and I will have three new babies in under a year seems unreal. talk about live moving fast and things changing. it was just G for so long, then G and Sam and next time we're blessed to be together there will be five of them! I can't wait to have the noise and the craziness that goes with it. That's what family is supposed to feel like-sprinklers and Popsicles and bare feet and laughter from children who wear nothing but swimsuits all day and glasses of wine and burgers and early bedtimes and adults catching up around the fire. We're not quite there yet, but peak ahead two summers and you can see the simplicity and ease of it all. I can't wait!
Summer days are rolling by and we would love to see any and all of you. We're sticking close to home this summer with no vacations planned. If you're nearby, please connect with us. So many of you have had changes in your own life and we would love to reconnect and learn about what makes your life special.
Friday, May 06, 2011
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Welcome Baby Luke!
Luke, after much anticipation, was born on April 2, 2011 at 5:26 am. Mom woke up in labor around 1:30 am, woke Dad when contractions were ever five minutes and we were off to the hospital at 3:00 am, once Laura arrived to take care of Grant. We arrived at the hospital with contractions every 2 minutes. The doctors broke my water and within 90 minutes and three pushes Luke was here! It was an intense 90 minutes, but we couldn't ask for anything more as Luke was as perfect as a newborn could be. Weighing in at 8 lbs even and 21 inches, he was much bigger than big brother Grant had been. Luke is actually "tall" and has already started outgrowing his newborn clothes.
Life has certainly changed for all of us. Grant adores his big brother-always wants to give him hugs and cuddles. Luke is a pretty good sleeper, which is great for all of us. Dad went back to work after a week and Grant has been going to Laura's to play during the day. This helps him stay in his routine and allows Luke and Mom time to bond and nap :)
Family and friends have been a blessing to us. Visitors are always welcomed and encouraged. Days can be long for Mom and Luke and adult conversation is much appreciated.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Dear Grant,
Mommy loves you more than you'll ever know. And so, it is hard for me to admit that I've lied to you. You are my sun and moon and I would never tell you things to hurt you on purpose, but I think I may have done you a disservice when I told you the baby would come after all the snow came and all the snow melted. Mom wasn't really thinking this was the winter we were going to have. I didn't think that when I looked outside this morning we would be up another full foot of snow. I didn't think we would have snow banks over four feet high in our driveway. I never thought I would be afraid to put you down outside for fear I would lose you in the mountains of ice and literally never find you again. Beanie will certainly be here before the snow melts. Even if she isn't early and doesn't come until April. But if she is early and comes in March, she may still be here before the snow stops falling and unlike the unseasonable warm November day when Mom and Dad brought you home, I'll be bringing her home in a parka, not a cute little outfit and hat. So much for having a spring baby. So, my sweet Grantie-G, Mom is sorry to have mislead you. You probably believe you've got months and months to continue being an only child, but you are very much mislead. Mommy and Daddy will work hard to help you understand that you really have just six to nine weeks to enjoy this quiet time of being the show and having no competition. The good news is, eventually Mommy will get her lap back once the baby comes and snuggling will get a little easier. The bad news is, instead of eating for two, I'll be snuggling two, so you will have to share. Don't worry Pumpkin, you'll always be my first baby and will always hold a special distinction in my heart. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry we live in New England. I'm sorry for another foot of snow today. I'm sorry we don't manage to get a snow day for it. I love you,
Mom
Mommy loves you more than you'll ever know. And so, it is hard for me to admit that I've lied to you. You are my sun and moon and I would never tell you things to hurt you on purpose, but I think I may have done you a disservice when I told you the baby would come after all the snow came and all the snow melted. Mom wasn't really thinking this was the winter we were going to have. I didn't think that when I looked outside this morning we would be up another full foot of snow. I didn't think we would have snow banks over four feet high in our driveway. I never thought I would be afraid to put you down outside for fear I would lose you in the mountains of ice and literally never find you again. Beanie will certainly be here before the snow melts. Even if she isn't early and doesn't come until April. But if she is early and comes in March, she may still be here before the snow stops falling and unlike the unseasonable warm November day when Mom and Dad brought you home, I'll be bringing her home in a parka, not a cute little outfit and hat. So much for having a spring baby. So, my sweet Grantie-G, Mom is sorry to have mislead you. You probably believe you've got months and months to continue being an only child, but you are very much mislead. Mommy and Daddy will work hard to help you understand that you really have just six to nine weeks to enjoy this quiet time of being the show and having no competition. The good news is, eventually Mommy will get her lap back once the baby comes and snuggling will get a little easier. The bad news is, instead of eating for two, I'll be snuggling two, so you will have to share. Don't worry Pumpkin, you'll always be my first baby and will always hold a special distinction in my heart. I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry we live in New England. I'm sorry for another foot of snow today. I'm sorry we don't manage to get a snow day for it. I love you,
Mom
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I'm officially opening the Baby Name Draft Board. Suggestions are welcomed-one boy and one girl per person. If we pick your name, you can be a godparent. or, if that is too scary, I'm happy to give you cash. We're in a real pickle with boy names, so this could be your chance to be the winner! Suggestions are welcome in comments or via email, phone, whatever. Bring it on!
Sunday, January 02, 2011
Vacation is over-and really, not a moment too soon. Its been lovely, but our whole family needs some routine to get us back on track! I'm not really looking forward to going back to work because I'll be swamped and stressed for the next 10-13 weeks, but my new graduate assistant starts soon and that should really help things. Yeah for Carolyn!
We took Grant bowling for the first time today. We were desperate to get out of the house, but didn't really want to go to far or do to much. It turns out, he's not really big enough to roll the ball all the way down the lane by himself, what with barely being three and all. They have this ramp thing that you can put in the lane and he can carry the ball over and put it on top and simply roll it down. He loved it-and outscored his mother.
I'm not going to lie though, bowling at 27 weeks pregnant might have been a mistake. I've had some nice pain in my belly since we got home. I think work will be the best thing to happen to me in terms of taking it easy! no more lugging around a 34 pound kid all day! and lots of sitting in chairs and in meetings, not jumping up and down off the floor or trying to find a way to carefully create a lap so both kids are comfortable and neither kid is being smooched. Good problems to have though :)Taylor now has unlocked a wookie on his Star Wars game. such a cute little lego wookie :)
My friend Britt starts working at the same place as me again tomorrow and Amy is going to be induced. January 3rd, you're looking like a vast improvement over January 2nd!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Taylor got the Star Wars Legos game for Christmas. It's actually pretty fun to watch. I think it is just because Luke Skywalker is a pretty funny little lego man. We do a lot of legos in our house these days. I can't wait until we see Yoda.
Yes, to answer the question we've received lots, we did get stuck in the "blizzard" over Christmas. We were at a family party just a little over an hour from our house and couldn't get back. we made it about 15 minutes when we decided the roads were just too unsafe and got a hotel for the night. 22 year old Heather in a craptastic car would have pushed through (hello ice storm of 1996-who knew the highways were closed?) but 32 year old Heather in her all-wheel drive car with her young son and baby on the way realized some risks aren't worth taking. How we grown and mature as time goes on. Nothing gives you perspective like a little person kicking you from the inside, or a slightly bigger little person singing Rockin Around the Christmas Tree on repeat from the seat behind you.
Lots of exciting things happening to my friend and family over the last few weeks. My brother got engaged, as did my friend Erin. I'm excited for the both. I've heard of a very special baby coming this summer, saw pictures of two friends who have very little new babies, and my friend Amy will be delivering her last baby on Monday. Such blessings.
We had a lovely and quiet holiday. Just 5 of us at Taylor's parents on Christmas morning, which is a huge difference from my first holiday there. Even the dinner crowd was smaller this year. The intimacy of it all was nice, but we missed familiar faces around the table.
I really want to read a book before the baby gets here. I know that the next year of my life will be a total blur and not even a little bit about me, so this is one of the things I want to do for myself before she arrives. This, and start getting regular pedicures before her birth so I don't have to apologize to any nurses this time about the chipped polish!
Taylor just became a "true Jedi". Don't know what that means, but it made enough noise that I looked up.
The basement is almost finished. The carpet when in today. It looks so great. I wish we could leave it completely empty! No mess and no cleaning! But I know that both of my boys will really enjoy that space. Taylor is still waiting for his TV to arrive, and I'm still waiting for the media crap that is cluttering up my living room to make the move downstairs. Seriously-it looks like Best Buy in there! Another week and we should be making the move. Calling to check on the statues of our furniture tomorrow. Can't wait to see them get that sectional down our stairs...should be fun to watch!
I know I don't blog much anymore. Probably because of facebook in large part. Also, because I was hiding my pregnancy for so long from the world. 2010 was an interesting year for me. The early part was all about healing from the lose of our baby, the middle was all about trying to remember how to move on, and the last half has been about enjoying our family of three before we expand and the dynamic changes so dramatically. I guess because I can't even remember life before Grant, I'm nervous about what is to come when Beanie gets here. Grant is such an amazing kid, I'll really miss getting to give him my undivided attention. I know there will be plenty of love to go around, and that a sibling is probably the greatest gift I'll ever give him, and to be clear-no one wants a baby more than I want this baby-but I do feel a little like I would like the next 12 weeks to slow down so I can savor every last moment we have together before the next phase of life begins. If you're looking for me, I'll be watching Sid with my son cuddled up on the couch.
Yes, to answer the question we've received lots, we did get stuck in the "blizzard" over Christmas. We were at a family party just a little over an hour from our house and couldn't get back. we made it about 15 minutes when we decided the roads were just too unsafe and got a hotel for the night. 22 year old Heather in a craptastic car would have pushed through (hello ice storm of 1996-who knew the highways were closed?) but 32 year old Heather in her all-wheel drive car with her young son and baby on the way realized some risks aren't worth taking. How we grown and mature as time goes on. Nothing gives you perspective like a little person kicking you from the inside, or a slightly bigger little person singing Rockin Around the Christmas Tree on repeat from the seat behind you.
Lots of exciting things happening to my friend and family over the last few weeks. My brother got engaged, as did my friend Erin. I'm excited for the both. I've heard of a very special baby coming this summer, saw pictures of two friends who have very little new babies, and my friend Amy will be delivering her last baby on Monday. Such blessings.
We had a lovely and quiet holiday. Just 5 of us at Taylor's parents on Christmas morning, which is a huge difference from my first holiday there. Even the dinner crowd was smaller this year. The intimacy of it all was nice, but we missed familiar faces around the table.
I really want to read a book before the baby gets here. I know that the next year of my life will be a total blur and not even a little bit about me, so this is one of the things I want to do for myself before she arrives. This, and start getting regular pedicures before her birth so I don't have to apologize to any nurses this time about the chipped polish!
Taylor just became a "true Jedi". Don't know what that means, but it made enough noise that I looked up.
The basement is almost finished. The carpet when in today. It looks so great. I wish we could leave it completely empty! No mess and no cleaning! But I know that both of my boys will really enjoy that space. Taylor is still waiting for his TV to arrive, and I'm still waiting for the media crap that is cluttering up my living room to make the move downstairs. Seriously-it looks like Best Buy in there! Another week and we should be making the move. Calling to check on the statues of our furniture tomorrow. Can't wait to see them get that sectional down our stairs...should be fun to watch!
I know I don't blog much anymore. Probably because of facebook in large part. Also, because I was hiding my pregnancy for so long from the world. 2010 was an interesting year for me. The early part was all about healing from the lose of our baby, the middle was all about trying to remember how to move on, and the last half has been about enjoying our family of three before we expand and the dynamic changes so dramatically. I guess because I can't even remember life before Grant, I'm nervous about what is to come when Beanie gets here. Grant is such an amazing kid, I'll really miss getting to give him my undivided attention. I know there will be plenty of love to go around, and that a sibling is probably the greatest gift I'll ever give him, and to be clear-no one wants a baby more than I want this baby-but I do feel a little like I would like the next 12 weeks to slow down so I can savor every last moment we have together before the next phase of life begins. If you're looking for me, I'll be watching Sid with my son cuddled up on the couch.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Happy NFL Weekend!
Family tradition-the self-portait all in our jersey's before the first game of the season. It's been a great game so far-Go Patriots!
Also, please note that I've added back the link for slick deals-this is for you Pam!
Grant and I made cookies together for the first time this morning. We had a ton of fun. He was a big helper at adding in all of the ingredients-even helping to measure and stir. I let him decorate them when we were done with little stars that were left over from his birthday cake. He was hysterical-he wanted to stack them all on top of each other for some reason and actually put a whole in a few cookies by trying to push them flat so he could add more.
Of course, he ate so many cookies and surgery stars that now he's having a hell of a time taking his nap. That's okay, he's up in his bed and he's relatively quiet, so I'll take it as a win. His big kid bedroom set is ready to be delivered. We went out this morning and got a pillow and mattress pad and a set of sheets. he's going to be so excited when we get it all set up-maybe next weekend depending on when his mattress gets here. I can't believe my baby is almost three!
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I miss my Mom. I'm not sure if it is the rain, or the feeling overwhelmed by most everything in life right now, or that I'm seeing my girls this weekend, or that I am really just a 6 year old at heart, but I miss my mommy. I want to sleep late in my small twin bed in my room (my room-not the spare bedroom which houses my actual bed so that we can have a queen bed in what once was my room) and have her make me a cup of coffee and maybe some pancakes for breakfast in my pj's. And I want to sit and play cards for a few hours as the morning slowly winds away, in a way we haven't been able to do since well before Grant was born. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change a single solitary part of my life right now (except for that stupid red sox rain out I had to go last night), but I would very much like to be kid home on college break who is getting spoiled a little by my mom. I think that deep inside, most of us have a longing for home sometime-that place where we can be 100% safe, wear our glasses and not straighten our hair, where make up is a joke and those five extra pounds are simply not important under comfy jeans, soft socks, and a warm hoodie. Mommies are the best-go call yours. I'm looking forward to doing just that!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
5 things, 5 fingers
...coincidence...i think not!
1. Where were you living 5 years ago?
In our adorable first house with the blue triangular toilet named Sully and "natures pool" in the back yard. With a lawn the size of a postage stamp that we put hours into mowing and weeding. with the perfectly painted light yellow spare bedroom just in case and the blue master and the "Mandarin moon" living room which was beautiful or hideous depending on the light. patiently waiting for Blackberry season. I loved that place!
2. Where would you like to be living 5 years from now?
I am perfectly content to be living exactly where I am today in another five years. I would love some paint on the walls, some pictures on the walls, furniture in the dining room and living rooms, and a few extra babies to fill the place with happy chaos. I love this house, despite it's flaws and look forward to continue making it a home.
3. 5 things on your to-do list today
Watermelon
Chocolate chip cookies-warm and soft please
Ice cream of almost any variety
Pita Chips
peanut butter
5. What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
Buy a houseful of children
Set my parents up for life
endow a (few dozen) scholarships-education shouldn't be a financial decision
take a really nice vacation-and bring Laura and her whole family so I could be a good mommy and still read a book at the same time
decide what i want to be when i grow up, and follow the path wherever that dream takes me
...coincidence...i think not!
1. Where were you living 5 years ago?
In our adorable first house with the blue triangular toilet named Sully and "natures pool" in the back yard. With a lawn the size of a postage stamp that we put hours into mowing and weeding. with the perfectly painted light yellow spare bedroom just in case and the blue master and the "Mandarin moon" living room which was beautiful or hideous depending on the light. patiently waiting for Blackberry season. I loved that place!
2. Where would you like to be living 5 years from now?
I am perfectly content to be living exactly where I am today in another five years. I would love some paint on the walls, some pictures on the walls, furniture in the dining room and living rooms, and a few extra babies to fill the place with happy chaos. I love this house, despite it's flaws and look forward to continue making it a home.
3. 5 things on your to-do list today
- vacuum-the cats are shedding like it is their job
- head cheerleader at swim class
- mommy of the year
- laundry
- call JJ
For those wondering-I went 2 for 5
4. What are 5 snacks you enjoy?Watermelon
Chocolate chip cookies-warm and soft please
Ice cream of almost any variety
Pita Chips
peanut butter
5. What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
Buy a houseful of children
Set my parents up for life
endow a (few dozen) scholarships-education shouldn't be a financial decision
take a really nice vacation-and bring Laura and her whole family so I could be a good mommy and still read a book at the same time
decide what i want to be when i grow up, and follow the path wherever that dream takes me
Tuesday, June 08, 2010
its amazing to me how time works. we wish the days away and beg for them back all in the same breathe. it is a blessing that we don't have control over these things.
Spring is my favorite season. I'm a May baby! Spring in New England is simply beautiful. Life comes back to the earth after the cold gray winter and even the muddy brown that covers everything changes to the bright green of fresh grass. It is a miracle in its most basic form. and yet, with my job, i miss most of spring. the first beautiful weekend of the year just causes my heart to beat a little faster as i realize that reunion is coming and I'm giving up everything that i know for the next few months to make an amazing weekend for a few thousand people. i miss sunny mother's days in the yard with my little boy. i miss first trips to the zoo. i miss my birthday each and every year. its fine-its my life and i do really like my job. but it is the same job that makes me dream of June, so it will all be over and I can think again about more than swipe cards and media and memorial services and the mean and drunk people who i will make jokes about for the rest of the summer. so at the same time, I am begging for more days between that first sunny weekend and June so I can get it all done and I wish for the days to be done so I can be through it all and back with my family.
I face this same dichotomy in other aspects of my life right now, oh so many other aspects. I dream of the day Grant will be potty trained, sleep in a big boy bed, color in the lines, things like that. And I am desperate for him to never be able to say "I'm Funny" instead of "Me Funny Mama!". I can't wait to see the little man he'll become and I never want him to stop being my baby. And what I find truly amazing is I see him having the same debate. He'll tell you he's a big boy, a little boy, or a baby depending on how he's feeling. he is at the "me do!" phase and then will turn in an instant and put his arms up for you to pick him up and hold him close and make it all better. He is excited to put on his own shoes and buckle his own car seat (yes, we do it with him!) and yet wants you to help him get dressed each morning. I wonder if he is picking up on my feelings of wanting time to fly by and stand still simultaneously or if I'm picking up on what is a normal part of growing up. and maybe he isn't the only one growing up, maybe I'm still growing up too. but all i know is I want to hold on to each day of his childhood with two hands. and i want to never get to a place where I'm "Mom" instead of "Mama or Mommy". Mom is the one who drives you to lacrosse practice and drops you off the block so none of your friends see. Mama and Mommy can kiss boo boos, and read stories about the moon. Mama sings Super Why each night at bedtime to make you smile and covers you with a blanket each night on the way to bed. And so I'll take every day of hell that comes in Spring for me just so these days don't fly by. I'll hope he remembers these days with fondness-even though eventually these days will leave his memory completely. But that feeling of happiness that comes when you think of your childhood is the job of a mama, and I will work hard to never let him down.
Spring is my favorite season. I'm a May baby! Spring in New England is simply beautiful. Life comes back to the earth after the cold gray winter and even the muddy brown that covers everything changes to the bright green of fresh grass. It is a miracle in its most basic form. and yet, with my job, i miss most of spring. the first beautiful weekend of the year just causes my heart to beat a little faster as i realize that reunion is coming and I'm giving up everything that i know for the next few months to make an amazing weekend for a few thousand people. i miss sunny mother's days in the yard with my little boy. i miss first trips to the zoo. i miss my birthday each and every year. its fine-its my life and i do really like my job. but it is the same job that makes me dream of June, so it will all be over and I can think again about more than swipe cards and media and memorial services and the mean and drunk people who i will make jokes about for the rest of the summer. so at the same time, I am begging for more days between that first sunny weekend and June so I can get it all done and I wish for the days to be done so I can be through it all and back with my family.
I face this same dichotomy in other aspects of my life right now, oh so many other aspects. I dream of the day Grant will be potty trained, sleep in a big boy bed, color in the lines, things like that. And I am desperate for him to never be able to say "I'm Funny" instead of "Me Funny Mama!". I can't wait to see the little man he'll become and I never want him to stop being my baby. And what I find truly amazing is I see him having the same debate. He'll tell you he's a big boy, a little boy, or a baby depending on how he's feeling. he is at the "me do!" phase and then will turn in an instant and put his arms up for you to pick him up and hold him close and make it all better. He is excited to put on his own shoes and buckle his own car seat (yes, we do it with him!) and yet wants you to help him get dressed each morning. I wonder if he is picking up on my feelings of wanting time to fly by and stand still simultaneously or if I'm picking up on what is a normal part of growing up. and maybe he isn't the only one growing up, maybe I'm still growing up too. but all i know is I want to hold on to each day of his childhood with two hands. and i want to never get to a place where I'm "Mom" instead of "Mama or Mommy". Mom is the one who drives you to lacrosse practice and drops you off the block so none of your friends see. Mama and Mommy can kiss boo boos, and read stories about the moon. Mama sings Super Why each night at bedtime to make you smile and covers you with a blanket each night on the way to bed. And so I'll take every day of hell that comes in Spring for me just so these days don't fly by. I'll hope he remembers these days with fondness-even though eventually these days will leave his memory completely. But that feeling of happiness that comes when you think of your childhood is the job of a mama, and I will work hard to never let him down.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
man, the Pittsburgh Steelers are going to dump a ton of money into Make A Wish. The luck of having that kid announce their pick-saved them so much harassing!
in case you didn't figure it out, it is NFL draft time. Cutie Grant was very excited to get out the mini-helmets that Taylor collects to put them in order. He was trying and trying to get the Kansas City helmet on his head saying over and over "it doesn't fit". So cute!
think Tebow and that other dude picked to wear matching shirts? ridiculous!
waiting and waiting for Bill to trade down. Just cause he can.
We are on the clock! I'm thinking trade. Taylor is whining about someone I've never heard of.
and there is the trade and here is Alexander on the phone. Last year he was here to watch the draft with us. This year we go back to the phone calls. Thank god we have two laptops, I'm working while Taylor enjoys.
Think the draft was sponsored by Coors? Nah...
I wonder how I could be the event planner for the draft. I would have been smart enough to pull the extra chair off the stage in the pre-game since Tebow was a no show. If I knew in my living room, how did they not know in real life?
in case you didn't figure it out, it is NFL draft time. Cutie Grant was very excited to get out the mini-helmets that Taylor collects to put them in order. He was trying and trying to get the Kansas City helmet on his head saying over and over "it doesn't fit". So cute!
think Tebow and that other dude picked to wear matching shirts? ridiculous!
waiting and waiting for Bill to trade down. Just cause he can.
We are on the clock! I'm thinking trade. Taylor is whining about someone I've never heard of.
and there is the trade and here is Alexander on the phone. Last year he was here to watch the draft with us. This year we go back to the phone calls. Thank god we have two laptops, I'm working while Taylor enjoys.
Think the draft was sponsored by Coors? Nah...
I wonder how I could be the event planner for the draft. I would have been smart enough to pull the extra chair off the stage in the pre-game since Tebow was a no show. If I knew in my living room, how did they not know in real life?
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